Wimpy Little Pistol That Angry Teen Brought To School Just Makes Bullying Worse

AINSWORTH, OH—Citing the marked enhance in torment he confronted after eradicating the weapon from his backpack, sources confirmed Monday that the wimpy little pistol introduced to high school by offended native teen Derek Delhano solely served to make him the recipient of much more bullying. “Oh, man, this is classic Derek—did you really think you were going to show us all by walking through the halls and waving around that little peashooter?” stated McKinsdale High School senior Todd Andrews, one in every of a number of jeering college students who surrounded Delhano at his locker and speculated that, in all probability, the one factor smaller than the enraged 17-year-old’s firearm was his penis. “He brings one itty-bitty pistol to school and thinks he’s going to make everybody pay! Jesus, what a fuckin’ wuss. What is that, anyway, your mom’s gun? I’d tell you to kill yourself, but clearly that thing isn’t going to get the job done.” At press time, Delhano was reportedly being held down and instructed to cease pistol-whipping himself.