Job Creationist Believes There Only One True CEO Who Made All Jobs From On High

DALLAS—Insisting that each type of compensated employment was established by a supreme govt, job creationist Jonathan Lamar advised reporters Tuesday that he strongly believed there was just one true CEO who made all jobs from on excessive. “This world’s many positions of paid labor were brought into existence by an all-powerful being who offers employment to those who answer His call and accept the terms of His offer,” mentioned Lamar, explaining that phenomena comparable to company hierarchies, profession trajectories, and human assets departments have been too stunning and sophisticated to have come about by way of odd financial processes, and should as a substitute have been designed by an everlasting CEO who sits atop a heavenly org chart. “He created these jobs in His image, and it is the earthly task of each employee to do His work in their daily lives. The CEO will reward His most faithful servants, one day allowing them to sit beside Him on the Board of Directors in the glory of His top-floor conference room.” Asked for touch upon the 1.6 million Americans who misplaced their jobs final month, Lamar advised reporters that the CEO labored in mysterious methods.